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Being Genuine, Your Essential Self

By on Dec 5, 2014 in Therapy and Counseling | 0 comments

"What we need most of all is to get in touch with ourselves, to seek solid grounding in ourselves, to feel within that it is we who are speaking, we who decide and not our habits, our conditioning, our fears of another's opinion." Thomas d'Ansembourg

“What we need most of all is to get in touch with ourselves, to seek solid grounding in ourselves, to feel within that it is we who are speaking, we who decide and not our habits, our conditioning, our fears of another’s opinion.” Thomas d’Ansembourg

There is an essential being, a genuineness, that is you. You are caring, driven to connect in relationships that are meaningful to you. You are
talented, driven to gain successes that are meaningful to you. You are compassionate, driven to contribute in ways that are meaningful to you. You are driven to survive with purpose and in health.

The challenges we experience in life, our interactions with others, and tragically, the effects of abuse and trauma may veil our essential being with thoughts and behaviors that do not enrich life. Because we seek to survive and seek to fulfill our needs, we find ways to cope with the stresses we experience.

Whatever those coping strategies are, we choose them in an attempt to fulfill a need. Consider this, all we do and think is an attempt to fulfill a need. Perhaps we seek to gain safety, or autonomy, or connection and belonging, or to be seen and to matter, or to be competent and skilled, or for ease and order. At times, the strategies we choose may cause frustration and harm. Our strategies may cause disconnection from those we love. We may withdraw from or chase after the relationships we long for causing us to be stuck in heart-breaking, cyclical conflicts. We may experience overwhelming emotions that may include grief, anxiety and depression.

When you sense a veil over your essential being, when you experience the effects of overwhelming grief, anxiety and depression, when you find yourself in constant conflicts with those you love, therapy can provide a safe place to untangle the places where you are stuck and to create change. With an empathic counselor where you can be fully heard and fully seen, the process of therapy allows you to experience your emotions and perspectives without judgment. With uncondtional regard, you are able to speak and experience your emotions completely, creating a space that allows you to see the reason and the logic of your coping strategies, even those that are not helpful to you. With unconditional regard, you are able to address the shame that might be keeping you stuck in thoughts and behaviors that are not enriching your life. You are then able to address your needs allowing you to create awareness and choice in your life.

Contact me to discuss how counseling may be helpful to you. You may also enjoy recommended books on the topic including “Non-Violent Communication: A language of life” by Marshall Rosenberg and “Being Genuine: Stop being nice, start being real” by Thomas d’Ansembourg. May you enjoy days filled with compassionate connections, meaning, peace and ease.

 

 

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